Reflective Practice as a Lifeline: A Ukrainian Mediator's Experience During the War

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Zlc8WiYdouM

Working with conflicts for many years, one realizes that mediation theory alone is insufficient to be an effective practitioner and to grow professionally. With every new challenge — first the pandemic, and now the war — working with family conflicts has become psychologically more complex and profoundly exhausting. Today, the maximum caseload capacity for a family mediator in Ukraine is a fraction of what it was before the war. It is incredibly difficult to manage more than three active cases simultaneously if those families have survived evacuation, occupation, captivity, or the loss of relatives in the war, or if they have lost their homes and jobs — all of which inevitably escalate their family conflicts.

Once, while presenting my case during a reflective practice session with Michael Lang, I caught myself thinking that I did not want the facilitator to ask me questions; I just wanted advice on what to do with a case overwhelmed by the fears and pain of all the mediation participants, especially the children, who suffer the most due to their dependence on their parents' decisions. That very thought served as a catalyst, making me realize that I was trying to shed a level of responsibility that felt far too heavy for me in this case. It helped me understand how crucial it is to ground myself back in my role and within the boundaries of my responsibility as a mediator.

We are immersed in the collective grief of our people, and today, there is not a single Ukrainian mediator who has not been affected by this horrific war. As we continue to work with Ukrainian families, helping them resolve conflicts peacefully, we regularly experience "mediator's trauma" — acting as witnesses who not only observe the trauma of the conflicting parties but also help them navigate out of the epicenter of a conflict burdened by intense emotions and distress.

Having the opportunity to become aware of oneself, one's defense mechanisms, and coping strategies alongside a reflective practitioner is like looking into a mirror. It restores an active stance, helping one understand exactly what is needed in that moment and how to save oneself from professional burnout. Such introspective reflection helps us focus on ourselves in relation to our interactions with clients. It allows us to notice what the mediator felt, thought, and did during the mediation, and to what extent this was similar to or different from how they behaved in the past or with other parties.

Often, when working with clients, our attention is entirely absorbed by actively listening to what they say, processing it, and contemplating our next intervention. Consequently, very little time is left to reflect on ourselves and notice subtler internal shifts. It is only later, when we pause to engage in reflection, that we have the opportunity to turn our attention inward. When reflecting alone, there is a risk of falling into a "blind spot" and missing things that can only surface in contact with another person. Therefore, participating in reflective practice groups consistently helps me reflect not only on the case itself and the mediator's specific inquiry but also on the broader system in which various relationships are embedded. This includes the parties' context and the history of their conflict, the impact of trauma, the professional context in which the meeting takes place, and the multitude of stakeholders invested in what happens within these relationships.

Meeting Michael Lang and engaging with his reflective approach to mediation practice has been a breath of fresh air in these turbulent times. It has provided vital support to the family mediators of the NGO "League of Mediators of Ukraine", who, thanks to The American Arbitration Association Foundation and The Reflective Practice Institute International, have been granted the opportunity to study and participate in monthly reflective practice groups over a two-year period (2024–2025).

I want to express my special gratitude to Michael for his book, The Guide to Reflective Practice in Conflict Resolution, which serves as a wonderful roadmap into this extraordinary world of reflective practice. At the beginning of our studies with Michael, I experienced a persistent sense of helplessness, feeling unable to break away from my customary way of thinking and practicing. However, with each new chapter of the book and the simultaneous application during our sessions of a completely different approach to analyzing practice — one that looks inward — this awareness expanded. Like ripples on water from a thrown pebble, it spiraled outward, guided by the questions from the reflective practice facilitator.

On my own behalf, and on behalf of my colleagues, I express our boundless gratitude to Michael Lang, Susanne Terry, and the other facilitators of our reflective practice groups for the support, experience, and knowledge they have so generously shared with us.

With love and respect,

Tetiana Bilyk

Editor of the translation of Michael Lang's book, The Guide to Reflective Practice in Conflict Resolution

Founder and Chair of the Board of the NGO International Training Center "Mediation School"